You've Got Mail

Halloween

2008-10-23T15:29:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!!!!

BEWARE of Wild Animals

Carrots, Eggs and Coffee...which are you?

2008-06-22T20:41:00.001-07:00

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes a long their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendships you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

If you don't send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message!

May we all be COFFEE!!!!!

Ask your Body

2008-06-21T07:46:00.001-07:00

"The body has its own way of knowing, a knowing that has little to do with logic, and much to do with truth, little to do with control, and much to do with acceptance, little to do with division and analysis, and much to do with union."

-- Marilyn Sewell

Are you aware of your body’s wisdom? Our bodies usually know us better than our minds do. If you have a decision to make, consult your body before making a final choice.

Reflect on an option before you and then pay attention to your body. Are you breathing deeply or barely at all? Are your muscles tense or relaxed? Is your energy blocked or flowing?

Your body knows what it likes and it feels good when it's happy. As your body is the source of your vitality, your motivation, your inspiration and enthusiasm and most importantly, your intuition, it's best to get that part of you on-side if you are venturing into a new activity.

"When you are saying that you are happy and you are not, there will be a disturbance in your breathing. Your breathing cannot be natural. It is impossible."

-- Osho

"Our inner guidance comes to us through our feelings and body wisdom first -- not through intellectual understanding. ...The intellect works best in service to our intuition, our inner guidance, soul, God or higher power -- whichever term we choose for the spiritual energy that animates life."

-- Christiane Northrup

Female Heart Attack

2008-06-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Female heart attacks

She said she didn't feel well and had a backache and was
going to lie on the bed with the heating pad.
A while later her husband went to check on her and she
was not breathing . They were not able to revive her.

This is something we women should definitely take
seriously.
Please pass this on to those you love.

I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but
this is the best description I've ever read .........Women and
heart attacks (Myocardial infarction)

Did you know that women rarely have the same dramatic
symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack...you know, the
sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest &
dropping to the floor that we see in the movies.
Here is the story of one woman's experience with a heart
attack. -----------

"I had a completely unexpected heart attack at about
10:30 pm with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one
would suspect might've brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on
a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting
story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, "A-A-h, this is the
life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped
up."
A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of
indigestion, when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich
and
washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel
like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow
motion and it is most uncomfortable.
You realize you shouldn't have gulped it down so fast
and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of
water to hasten its progress down to the stomach.
This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was
that I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m.
After that had seemed to subside, the next sensation was
like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE
(hind-sight, it was probably my aorta in spasm), gaining speed as they
continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses
rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued
on into my throat and branched out into both jaws.
AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was
happening--we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being
one of the signals of an MI happening, haven't we? I said aloud to
myself and the cat, "Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack! "I
lowered the foot rest, dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a
step and fell on the floor instead.
I thought to myself "If this is a heart attack, I
shouldn't be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere
else......but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I
need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in
moment"
I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked
slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics... I told her I
thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under
the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't feel hysterical or
afraid, just stating the facts.
She said she was sending the Paramedics over
immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to
unbolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me
when they came in.
I then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost
consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in, their
examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their
ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way,
but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the Cardiologist
was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull
my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending
over me asking questions (probably something like "Have you taken any
medications?") but I couldn't make my mind interpret what he was saying,
or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the
Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram
balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they
installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery.
" I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at
home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the
Paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the
call, and both the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away
from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his
scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped
somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the
stints.
"Why have I written all of this to you with so much
detail? Because I want all of you to know what I learned firsthand."
1. Be aware that something very different is happening
in your own body not the usual men's symptoms, but inexplicable things
happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is
said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI
because they didn't know they were having one, and commonly mistake
it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation,
and go to bed, hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they wake
up....which doesn't happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not
be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING
is unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before. It is
better to have a "false alarm" visitation than to risk your life
guessing what it might be!
2. Note that I said "Call the Paramedics". Ladies, TIME
IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER you're a
hazard to others on the road, and so is your panicked husband who will
be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead
of the road. Do NOT call your doctor--he doesn't know where you live and
if it's at night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his
assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics.
He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The
Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be
notified later.
3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because
you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a
cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it's
unbelievably high, and/or accompanied by high blood pressure.)
MI's are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the
body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to
sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound
sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance
we could survive...
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends
it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
**Please be a true friend and send this article to all
your friends you care about**

A day in the Woods

2008-05-29T07:02:00.001-07:00

An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don 't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

2008-05-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN:

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure--right from Day One!--that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me...

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to a accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:

Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

VIRGINIA FINNE:

HIS COMPUTER WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE AND HE HAD TO READ HIS E-MAIL!
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!,

Reading Test

2008-05-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm one of the 55. Are You?

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna
yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht
I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the
ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and
lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you
can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mni d
deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig
huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed
tihs forwrad it.

ONLY FORWARD IF YOU CAN READ THIS

A Fairy Tale

2008-05-16T06:49:00.001-07:00

A Fairy Tale

One day, a long, long time ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or complain.

But this was a long time ago - and it was just that one day.

The End

Daddy's Poem

2008-05-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,

her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school,

and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,

that she probably should stay home

Why the kids might not understand,

if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;

she knew just what to say.

What to tell her classmates

of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,

for her to face this day alone.

And that was why once again,

she tried to keep her daughter home..

But the little girl went to school

eager to tell them all.

About a dad she never sees

a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently,

anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called

a student from the class.

To introduce their daddy,

as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,

every child turned to stare.

Each of them was searching,

a man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?'

She heard a boy call out.

'She probably doesn't have one,'

another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,

she heard a daddy say,

'Looks like another deadbeat dad,

too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her,

as she smiled up at her Mom.

And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,

slowly she began to speak.

And out from the mouth of a child,

came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here,

because he lives so far away.

But I know he wishes he could be,

since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,

I wanted you to know.

All about my daddy,

and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories

he taught me to ride my bike.

He surprised me with pink roses,

and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,

and ice cream in a cone.

And though you cannot see him.

I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,

even though we are apart

I know because he told me,

he'll forever be in my heart'

With that, her little hand reached up,

and lay across her chest.

Feeling her own heartbeat,

beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere there in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.

Proudly watching her daughter,

who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love

of a man not in her life.

Doing what was best for her,

doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.

She finished with a voice so soft,

but its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much,

he's my shining star.

And if he could, he'd be here,

but heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Marine

and died just this past year

When a roadside bomb hit his convoy

and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,

it's like he never went away.'

And then she closed her eyes,

and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,

she witnessed with surprise.

A room full of daddies and children,

all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,

who knows what they felt inside.

Perhaps for merely a second,

they saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,'

to the silence she called out.

And what happened next made believers,

of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,

for each of their eyes had been closed.

But there on the desk beside her,

was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.

And given the gift of believing,

that heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.

Take the time...to live and love.

Until eternity.

God bless

There must be many children in the same boat as this little girl, thanks to our servicemen and their families for the sacrifice they are making to keep our country Free.

THOSE BORN in the years of 1920-1979

2008-05-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

THOSE BORN 1920-1979

READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON'T READ
ANYTHING ELSE---VERY WELL STATED

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get
tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep o n our tummies in baby cribs
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster
seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with
sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no
150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's,
no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms......

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and
tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke
out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
"for our own good" .

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave
(and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and
with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a
good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...forget
that you read this blog entry.

For the rest of us...pass this ON!

11 People on a Rope

2008-05-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

Here is another phrase I like...
When you are at the end of your ROPE....tie a knot and hang on!

Did you know?

2008-05-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

DID YOU KNOW? As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the U.S Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing on e in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view .. it is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments!

.
DID YOU KNOW?

As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door.

DID YOU KNOW?

As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall,
right above where the Supreme Court judges sit,
a display of the Ten Commandments!

DID YOU KNOW?

There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Monuments in Washington, D.C.

DID YOU KNOW?

James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our Constitution" made the following statement:

"We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God."

DID YOU KNOW?

Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said:

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ".

DID YOU KNOW?

Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777.

DID YOU KNOW?

Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the established orthodox churches in the colonies.

DID YOU KNOW?

Thomas Jeff erson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law . an oligarchy .

the rule of few over many.

DID YOU KNOW?

The very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said:

"Americans should select and prefer Christians as their rulers."

How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have do ne for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional?

Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was built on.

Chamber, US House of Representatives

I was asked to send this on if I agreed or delete if I didn't. Now it is your turn...
It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, it is very hard to understand why there is such a mess about having the Ten Commandments on display or "In God We Trust" on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.

This one is for the Ladies....

2008-05-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

The Wash Cloth

Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me

that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just

packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around

8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have

any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take extra time to ensure great hygiene when

making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the

full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was

sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to

make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the

clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my

appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table,

looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in

Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised

when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning,

haven't we?"

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day was normal ... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out

from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all

my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

Never going back to that doctor. Ever

Through the eyes of a six year old

2008-05-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Howard County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call one Saturday afternoon a few months ago. His 6-year-old grandson Mikey had been hit by a car while fishing in Greentown with his dad.
The father and son were near a bridge by the Kokomo Reservoir when a woman lost control of her car, slid off the bridge and hit Mikey at a rate of about 50 mph.

Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents like this and feared the worst. When he got to Sain t Joseph Hospital , he rushed through the emergency
room to find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits.

'Mikey, what happened?' Sheriff Marr asked Mikey replied, 'Well, Papaw, I was fishin'with Dad, and some lady runned me over, I flew into a mud puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to cat ch no fish!'

As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about 500 feet, over a few trees and an embankment and in the middle of a mud puddle. His only injuries were to his right femur bone which had broken in two places. Mikey had surgery to place pins in his leg. Otherwise the boy is fine. Since all the boy could talk about was that his fishing pole was broken, the Sheriff went out to Wal-mart and bought him a new one while he was in surgery so he could have it when he came out.

The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey to keep him company in the hospital. Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole and talked about when he could go fishing again as he cast into the trash can.

When they were alone, Mikey, just as matter-of-factly, said, 'Papaw, did you know Jesus is real?

Well,' the Sheriff replied, a little startled. 'Yes, Jesus is real to all who believe in him and love him in their hearts.'

'No,' said Mikey. 'I mean Jesus is REALLY real.'

'What do you mean?' asked the Sheriff.

'I know he's real 'cause I saw him.' said Mikey, still casting into the trash can.

'You did?' said the Sheriff.

'Yep,' said Mikey. 'When that lady runned me over and broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms and laid me down in the mud puddle.'

GIVES YOU GLORY BUMPS DOESN'T IT!

I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today,
To guide you and protect you
As you go along your way.
His love is always with you,
His promises are true
And when we give Him all our cares
You know He will see us through
So when the road you're traveling on
Seems difficult at best,
Just remember I'm here praying
And GOD WILL DO THE REST.

FAITH IS NOT BELIEVING THAT GOD CAN....
IT IS KNOWING THAT HE WILL

'BE KINDER THAN NECESSARY. EVERYONE IS FIGHTING SOME KIND OF BATTLE ' -Unknown

If God didn't have a purposes for us. We wouldn't be here.

Hidden Scenes from Jesus life

2008-05-06T14:19:00.001-07:00

The "longer" you look at this picture, the "more" you see.

Look at the lines the artist used to draw this picture of Christ.. It is of scenes from Christ's life. I have not seen anything like this

Share this with a friend or two.
May God Always Bless You and Yours!

Males and Females

2008-05-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that males and females have different perspectives...while we may dance well together the following quotes expose some areas where we don't always jive!

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for
lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that .. is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite
foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering.

Kids in Church

2008-05-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,
Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a mother of six, I wish all church going parents well. It is not always easy getting our kids to church but it is worth it!

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people ----- who cares?!
Peace, love and happiness

When God Paints....

2008-05-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

This has to be The Day God Dropped the Paint Box! Actual place in California

We live in an awesome world.
Make it an awesome day.
Peace To All and May God Bless You
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

Going Home

2008-04-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

A pastor had been on a long flight between church conferences. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: Fasten Your Seat Belts.
Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."
As the pastor looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive.
Later, the voice on the intercom said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."
And then the storm broke . . .

The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightning lit up the darkening skies, and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.

The pastor confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying. The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm.

"Then, I suddenly saw a little girl. Apparently the storm meant nothing to her. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat; she was reading a book and every- thing within her small world was calm and orderly.

"Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world.
When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid." The minister could hardly believe his eyes.

It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, our pastor lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.
Having commented about the storm and the behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.

The child replied, "Cause my Daddy's the pilot, and he's taking me home."

There are many kinds of storms that buffet us. Physical, mental, financial, domestic, and many other storms can easily and quickly darken our skies and throw our plane into apparently uncontrollable movement. We have all known such times, and let us be honest and confess, it is much easier to be at rest when our feet are on the ground than when we are being tossed about a darkened sky.

Let us remember: Our Father is the Pilot. He is in control and taking us home. Don't worry!

If you love dogs, Please READ!

2008-04-23T07:28:00.000-07:00

Written by:
Laurinda Morris, DVM
Danville Veterinary Clinic
Danville ,

This week I had the first case in history of raisin toxicity ever seen at MedVet. My patient was a 56-pound, 5 yr old male neutered lab mix that ate half a canister of raisins sometime between 7:30 AM and 4:30 PM on Tuesday. He started with vomiting, diarrhea and shaking about 1AM on Wednesday but the owner didn't call my emergency service until 7AM ...

I had heard somewhere about raisins AND grapes causing acute Renal failure but hadn't seen any formal paper on the subject. We had her bring the dog in immediately. In the meantime , I called the ER service at MedVet, and the doctor there was like me - had heard something about it, but....

Anyway, we contacted the ASPCA National Animal Poison Control Center and they said to give IV fluids at 1 1/2 times maintenance and watch the kidney values for the next 48-72 hours.
The dog's BUN (blood urea nitrogen level) was already at 32 (normal less than 27) and creatinine! Over 5 (1.9 is the high end of normal). Both are monitors of kidney function in the bloodstream. We placed an IV catheter and started the fluids. Rechecked the renal values at 5 PM and the BUN was over 40 and creatinine over 7 with no urine production after a liter of fluids. At the point I felt the dog was in acute renal failure and sent him on to MedVet for a urinary catheter to monitor urine output overnight as well as overnight care.

He started vomiting again overnight at MedVet and his renal values have continued to increase daily. He produced urine when given lasix as a diuretic. He was on 3 different anti-vomiting medications and they still couldn't control his vomiting. Today his urine output decreased again, his BUN was over 120, his creatinine was at 10, his phosphorus was very elevated and his blood pressure, which had been staying around 150, skyrocketed to 220...He continued to vomit and the owners elected to Euthanize.

This is a very sad case - great dog, great owners who had no idea raisins could be a toxin. Please alert everyone you know who has a dog of this very serious risk.

Poison control said as few as 7 raisins or grapes could be toxic. Many people I know give their dogs grapes or raisins as treats including our ex-handler's. Any exposure should give rise to immediate concern.
Onions, chocolate, cocoa and macadamia nuts can be fatal, too.

Even if you don't have a dog, you might have friends who do. This is worth passing on to them.

Confirmation from Snopes about the above...
http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/raisins.asp

A compliment goes a long way!

2008-04-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

I attended a funeral for a young girl who died a week ago. As her mother looked out over the full room she said her daughter thought she didn't have many friends and would now know differently.

I thought this was sad that a person has to wait until death to know they are loved....so let's change that! If you teach scouts, sunday school, school....if you teach any where...find a way to incorporate the project listed in this story below.

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in VietNam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Two Boxes

2008-04-21T09:19:00.001-07:00

God's Boxes
I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'
We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you
are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

2008-04-11T09:22:00.001-07:00

Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd = That's Relationship!
I shall not want = That's Supply!

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures = That's Rest!

He leadeth me beside the still waters = That's Refreshment!

He restoreth my soul = That's Healing!

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness = That's Guidance!

For His name sake = That's Purpose!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death = That's
Testing!

I will fear no evil = That's Protection!

For Thou art with me = That's Faithfulness!

Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me = That's Discipline!

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies =
That's Hope!

Thou annointest my head with oil = That's Consecration!

My cup runneth over = That's Abundance!

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life =
That's Blessing!

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord = That's Security!

Forever = That's Eternity!

2008-04-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still a pply.'

Family Member : 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member : 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member : 'No, I'm h er great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member : 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax :

Citibank : 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member : 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member : 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank : 'That might help.'

Family Member : ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member : 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???

Be Patient

2008-04-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

The Rain

2008-04-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

The Rain -Thomas Kinkaid
Stop at the picture for a second, and watch the Rain... then read on...

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm thinking of something." This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear. "What are you thinking?" I asked. "The rain!" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away." After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond. "That's really good, Aspen." Then my curiosit! y broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation? So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?" Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer: "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us." I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.

Funny Church Bulletins

2008-04-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

These sentences appeared in
church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).

---------------- ------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
-------------------- ------ --------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure
to the congregation.
--------------- -------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
---- ------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will
sing:
'Break Forth Into Joy.'
---------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship t hat began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------- -----------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------- -----------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you
want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
-------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
------------------------------------------------ ---------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------- ------ -----------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

---------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.

New Born's conversation with God

2008-04-03T10:19:00.001-07:00

A baby asked God, 'They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?' God said, 'Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.'

The child further inquired, 'But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.' God said, 'Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy.'

Again the child asked, 'And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?' God said, 'Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.'

'And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?' God said, 'Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.'

'Who will protect me?' God said, 'Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.'

'But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.' God said, 'Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.'

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, 'God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name.'

God said, 'You will simply call her, 'Mom.'

Lift a mother's spirit, send this to every mother you know (no matter how old her child is).

Amazing Holes

2008-04-02T13:12:00.001-07:00

7 Amazing Holes!
These holes are not only amazing, but some of them
are really terrifying. The sheer scale
of these holes reminds you of just how tiny you are.

1. Kimberley Big Hole - South Africa

Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world,
this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds
before being closed in 1914.

The amount of earth removed by workers is estimated to
total 22.5 million tons.

3. Bingham Canyon Mine, Utah

This is supposedly the largest man-made
excavation on earth. Extraction began in 1863
and still continues today, the pit increasing in
size constantly. In its current state the hole
is ¾ miles deep and 2.5 miles wide.

4. Great Blue Hole, Belize

This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a
blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize.
There are numerous blue holes around the world,
but none as stunning as this one.

At surface level the near perfectly circular hole is ¼
mile wide, and the depth in the middle reaches 145
meters. Obviously the hole is a huge hit with divers.

5. Mirny Diamond Mine, Serbia

I'm pretty sure most people have seen this one.
It's an absolute beast and holds the title of largest
open diamond mines in the world. At 525 meters
deep, with a top diameter of 1200 meters, there's
even a no-fly zone above the hole due to a few
helicopters having been sucked in.

6. Diavik Mine, Canada

This incredible mine can be found 300km
northeast of Yellowknife in Canada.

The mine is so huge and the area so remote
that it has its own airport with a runway large
enough to accommodate a Boeing 737.
It looks equally cool when the surrounding
water is frozen.

7. Sinkhole in Guatemala

A sinkhole is caused when water,
usually rainwater or sewage, is
soaked up by the earth on a large
scale, resulting in the ground
collapsing the surface.

These photos are of a sinkhole that occurred
early this year in Guatemala. The hole swallowed
a dozen homes and killed at least 3 people.

Officials blamed the monster of a hole on a
ruptured sewage pipe.

2008-04-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned
to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made
me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

2008-04-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted
to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife
replied, "in-laws."

Women's Revenge

2008-04-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come
shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

Heaven and Prayers

2008-04-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

I dreamed that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received."

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them. "I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section," my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed "How is it that there is no work going on here?" I asked.

"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments ."

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked.

"Simple," the angel answered. Just say, "Thank you, Lord."

"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy ."

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day ."

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 700 million people in t he world."

"If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world! ."

"If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare ."

"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair."

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

ATTN:

Acknowledge Dept.: "Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with."
If you have read this far, and are thankful for all that you have been blessed with, how can you not send it on????

Parrot Flower

2008-03-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

This is a flower from Thailand . It is also a protected species and is not allowed to be exported.This will be the only way we will be able to view this flower .
A FLOWER ALL THE WAY FROM THAILAND . THE VERY RARE PARROT FLOWER

Seize the Day

2008-03-27T09:46:00.001-07:00

I want to share this with everyone.
It was written by David Sieker.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just
because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on
their schedule, didn't know it was coming, or are too rigid
to depart from their routine.

I was thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic
who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort
to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more
flexible. How many people will eat at home because someone
didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had
been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence
while you watched television? I cannot count the times I called
my friends and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?"
only to hear an excuse like 'I can't, I have work to do; I
brought my lunch, I wish I had known yesterday; I had a late
breakfast; It looks like rain.' Some of them may die tonight,
so you may never have lunch together.

Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to schedule our
headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to
ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back
and visit the grandparents when we get the baby toilet-trained.
We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll
go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get
shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.
One morning, we'll awaken, and all we have to show for our lives
is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when
things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to
adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new
ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her
for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a
pair of rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips didn't touch sausage for years. Being from the Midwest,
I love grilled sausages. It's just that I might as well apply
it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the
digestive process. The other day, I picked up a grilled footlong
at a restaurant. If my car had flipped on the way home, I would
have died happy.

Now, go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to, not
something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon
and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call
and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry-go-round or listened
to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's
erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you
run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" did
you listen to their reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred
chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do
it tomorrow"? And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch?
Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift.
Thrown away. Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the quiet voice
before the song is over.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for… but while we are here we
might as well dance!"

Grandma's Hands

2008-03-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

GRANDMA'S HANDS A must read thru to the end please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench.
She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands.

When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the
longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her
at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and
looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she
said in a clear voice strong.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma , but you were just sitting here
staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I
explained to her.

"Have you ever looked at your hands," she asked. "I mean really
looked at your hands?"

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them
over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at
my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have
served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled
shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to
reach out and grab and embrace life.

"They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the
floor.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my
mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled
on my boot s. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off
to war.

"They have been dirty, scraped and raw , swollen and bent. They were
uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated
with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone
special

They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I
buried my parents and spouse.

"They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and
shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.

They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the
rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried
and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works
real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to
fold in prayer.

"These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out
and take when h e leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to
His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of
Christ."

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God
reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home.

When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my
children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and
caressed and held by the hands of God.

I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

When you receive this, say a prayer for the person who sent it to
you, and watch God's answer to prayer work in your life. Let's continue
praying for one another.

Passing this on to anyone you consider a friend will bless you both.

Passing this on to one not yet considered a friend is something
Christ would do.

-- Author Unknown

Did You Know...?

2008-03-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little 'stringy things' off of it. That's how the primates do it.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

For a cool brownie treat, make brow nies as directed. Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simple chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yum

1. Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

2. Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, resea l, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

3. Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

4. Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

5. Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

6. Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up th e small shards of glass you can't see easily.

7. No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

8. Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

9. Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

10. Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -- ta da! -- static is gone.

11. Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as p eanut butter, and watch ho w easily it comes right out.

12. Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

13. Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

14. Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair...

15. Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

16. Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal wher e you see ants. They eat it, take it
'home,' can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

17. INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.)
He told us that he wanted to show us something; he took the filter over to the sink, ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material - I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like.

Well,...the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's
there. It' s what is in the dryer s heets to make your clothes soft and static free -- that nice fragrance too, you know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box, well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to catch fire & potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best
way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (& to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out & wash it with hot soapy water & an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that!?! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, I thought I'd share!

Note: I went to my dryer & tested my screen by running water on it. The
water ran through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in
the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water & a nylon bru sh & I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it -- the water ran right thru the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all! That repairman knew what he was talking about!

New information about Earthquake Survival

2008-03-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

I thought this was very interesting and goes against any thing that I have heard -
but it certainly makes more sense to me - I always thought it was rather a dumb
idea to get underneath something heavy so that the roof could fall on you and squash you....

Here are some great tips about earthquake survival...

EXTRACTED FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE 'TRIANGLE OF LIFE'

My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the
American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced
rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an
earthquake.

I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams
from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and I am a
member of many rescue teams from many countries. I was the United Nations
expert in Disaster Mitigation for two years. I have worked at every major
disaster in the world since 1985, except for simultaneous disasters.

In 1996 we made a film which proved my survival methodology to be
correct. The Turkish Federal Government, City of Istanbul, University of
Istanbul Case Productions and ARTI cooperated to film this practical,
scientific test.

We collapsed a school and a home with 20 mannequins inside. Ten
mannequins did 'duck and cover,' and ten mannequins I used in my
'triangle of collapse we crawled through the rubble and entered the
building to film and document the results The film, in which I practiced
my survival techniques under directly observable, scientific conditions,
relevant to building collapse, showed there would have been zero percent
survival for those doing duck and cover. There would likely have been 100
percent survivability for people using my method of the 'triangle of
life.'

This film has been seen by millions of viewers on television in Turkey
and the rest of Europe, and it was seen in the USA, Canada and Latin
America on the TV program Real TV. The first building I ever crawled
inside of was a school in Mexico City during the 1985 earthquake. Every
child was under their desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of
their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks
in the aisles. It was obscene, unnecessary and I wondered why the
children were not in the aisles. I didn't at the time know that the
children were told to hide under something.

Simply stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings
falling upon the objects or furniture inside crushes these objects,
leaving a space or void next to them. This space is what I call the
'triangle of life'. The larger the object, the stronger, and the less it
will compact. The less the object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the person who is using this void for safety
will not be injured.

The next time you watch collapsed buildings on television, count the
'triangles' you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common
shape, you will see, in a collapsed building. They are everywhere.

TEN TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY
(1) Most everyone who simply 'ducks and covers' when buildings collapse
are crushed to death.. People who get under objects, like desks or cars,
are crushed.

(2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position.
You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survival instinct
You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa,
next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void
next to it.

(3) Wooden buildings are the safest typ e of construction to be in during
an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the
earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids
are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing
weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will
cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.

(4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply
roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can
achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a
sign on the back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down
on the floor next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.

(5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out
the door or window and lie own window, then lie down and curl up in the
fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.

(6) Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is
killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward
or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam
falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case,
you will be killed!

(7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different 'moment of
frequency' (they swing separately from the main part of the building).
People who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair
treads - horribly mutilated. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay
away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be
damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may
collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be
checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.

(8) Get near the outer walls of buildings or outside of them if possible.
It is much better to be near any outside walls, as the further inside you
are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the
probability that your escape can be lessen considerably.

(9) Slabs of highway concrete crushes vehicles; which is exactly what
happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The
victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their
vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by
getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. All the crushed
cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had
column fall directly across them.

(10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper off ices
and other offices with a lot of paper, that paper does not compact. Large
voids are found all around these stacks of paper.

Spread the word to everyone you care about and save someone's life!

Motherhood

2008-03-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

Me and 2 of my 6 credtis

My cousin sent me this letter. I thought it deserved a posting!

JUST A MOM?

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk’s office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder, 'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman. 'I'm a Mom.'

'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation; ‘housewife’ covers it,' said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

‘What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. 'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

‘Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, 'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.' Motherhood!

What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' and great grandmothers? 'Executive Senior Research Associates?' I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts ' Associate Research Assistants.'

Please send this to another Mom, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know.

May your troubles be less, your blessing be more, And nothing but happiness come through your door!

AMEN!!

Happy Keester

2008-03-18T19:50:00.001-07:00

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey

I'll Be Happy When...

2008-03-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.

The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with... and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching,

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand -
strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up and
totally worn out, screaming 'WOO HOO! - What a Ride!'"

Get those Mosquitoes

2008-03-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

THIS IS NEW, DIFFERENT AND EXCITING.
The best way of getting rid of mosquitoes is Listerine, the original medicinal type. The Dollar Store-type works, too.
I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared.

The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it.....Pass it on.
------------------
OUR FRIEND'S COMMENTS:
I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors. It works - in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive to use as the can of spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes. So, try this, please. It will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames, and even inside the dog house if you have one

Help We are Under ATTACK!

2008-03-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately !

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper, Groceries are heavier and everything is farther Away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she! didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would n ever let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning:
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

Wanted: Parents

2008-03-14T09:47:00.000-07:00

Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it !!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings
and weekend s
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as
small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you
play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS
you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** AND A FOOTNOTE **

THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents

AND YOU MAY HAVE TO RAISE THEM TOO!!!

Tips on Pumping Gas!

2008-03-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

TIPS ON PUMPING GAS (Good information)

I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline.... but here in California we are also paying higher, up to $3.50 per gallon. But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon..

Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline in San Jose , CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.

One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates fasterthan you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work , every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.

Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.

DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS!

Take it from a Dog....

2008-02-27T14:12:00.000-08:00

GREAT ADVICE! ...and it is all so true!!

If a dog was the teacher
you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

I AM THANKFUL FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME!

SEND THIS TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT.

Ever Wondered What Religion Your Bra Was...?

2008-02-22T07:52:00.001-08:00

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the Ladies Department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,

'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

'What type of bra?'asked the clerk.

' Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

' Look around,'said the saleslady,

as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color

and material imaginable.

Actually,even with all of this variety,there are really only

four types of bras to choose from .'

Relieved, the man asked

about the types.

The saleslady replied:

'There are the Catholic,

the Salvation Army,

the Presbyterian,

and the Baptist types.

Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled,the man asked about

the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded,

'It is all really quite simple. .

The Catholic type

supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.'

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used

to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why,

but couldn't figure out

what the letters stood for,

it is about time

you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!....

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

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2008-02-18T12:12:00.000-08:00

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Got Stopped

2008-02-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL
THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.

Kids say the Cutest things

2008-02-18T11:40:00.000-08:00

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feed ing his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) wa s with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

Spread the smiles!!

The Story of St. Valentine

2008-02-14T15:07:00.000-08:00

The Story of St. Valentine
In 270 A.D., marriage had been outlawed by the emperor of Rome, Claudius II. Claudius issued this decree because he thought that married men made bad soldiers since they were reluctant to be torn away from their families in the case of war. Claudius had also outlawed Christianity in this time period because he wished to be praised as the one supreme god, the Emperor of Rome. Valentine was the bishop of Interamna during this period of oppression. Valentine thought that the decrees of Rome were wrong. He believed that people should be free to love God and to marry. Valentine invited the young couples of the area to come to him. When they came, Valentine secretly performed services of matrimony and united the couples.

Valentine was eventually caught and was brought before the emperor. The emperor saw that Valentine had conviction and drive that was unsurpassed among his men. Claudius tried and tried to persuade Valentine to leave Christianity, serve the Roman empire and the Roman gods. In exchange, Claudius would pardon him and make him one of his allies. St. Valentine held to his faith and did not renounce Christ. Because of this, the emperor sentenced him to a three-part execution. First, Valentine would be beaten, then stoned, and then finally, decapitated. Valentine died on February 14th, 270 A.D.

While in prison, waiting for his sentence to be carried out, Valentine fell in love with the jailer's daughter, the blind Asterius. During the course of Valentine's prison stay, a miracle occurred and Asterius regained her sight. Valentine sent her a final farewell note. He signed his last note, "From Your Valentine." Even today, this message remains as the motto for our Valentine's Day celebrations.

Daddy's Little Girl

2008-02-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother
who is four years older than I am. I was maybe one and a half years old.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was
one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the
evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I
brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water. After several
cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My
Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea,
because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of
tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever
occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the
toilet?'

And sure enough...!

2008-01-29T20:22:00.001-08:00

SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER......

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have
to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi The taxi arrived
and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't
want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the
bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the
night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
"He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I
said, as we drove away. "That stupid bozo was hiding under the bed. I
had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to
take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a
blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat
behind downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

Weekly Diary from the Kook Kookbook

2008-01-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

Kook Kookbook

Monday
It's fun to cook for Harold. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday
Harold wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Harold brought a friend home for supper

Wednesday
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday
Today Harold asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Harold asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

Friday
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday
Harold did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Harold keeps counting to ten.

Sunday
Harold's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Harold. If I can talk Harold into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

The Tale of 2 Horses

2008-01-22T16:12:00.000-08:00

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if
you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something
quite amazing...

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made
a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a
bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see
that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.

It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can
follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the
horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse,
and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then
slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will
not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn
each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure
that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us
away just because we are not perfect or because we have
problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives
to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little
ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find
their way....

Good friends are like that... you may not always see them,
but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
And remember...
be kinder than necessary-
everyone you meet is fighting
some kind of battle.

Keep looking up,
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly....
Leave the rest to God

Blonde Joke

2008-01-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

A bleached blonde calls her boyfriend and says, please come over here
and help me.I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
get started. Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?' The bleached blonde says, 'According to the picture on the
box, it's a rooster. Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the
puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box,
then turns to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster. He takes her
hand and says,

'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.'
he said with a deep sigh, .. . . .

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

Kids in Church

2008-01-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese:
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
And I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
Were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
'Ryan, you be Jesus!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
When the four-year-old son ran up to him,
Grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
Where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is a link to other funny stories about Kids in Church

Signs of a Stoke--Life Saving Information

2008-01-22T09:15:00.000-08:00

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously..

Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .....she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.

Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm ;Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die.... they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally . He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke .

Now doctors say a bystander can
recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911immediately and
describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.& nbsp;

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

Men's Brains vs Women's Brains

2008-01-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

Here is a video link for a very entertaining short video clip about Men's vs Women's Brains. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did....He he he eh!

Geroge Carlin's Message of TIME

2007-10-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

What a difference a sad event in someone's life makes.
GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)
Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?

George Carlin

The Sandpiper

2007-10-23T07:04:00.000-07:00

THE SANDPIPER

The Sandpiper by Robert Peterson

She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sand castle or something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.

"Hello," she said.

I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.

"I'm building," she said.

"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.

"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."

That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes.

A sandpiper glided by.

"That's a joy," the child said.

"It's a what?"

"It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy."

The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself, hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed completely out of balance.

"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.

"Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."

"Mine's Wendy.. I'm six."

"Hi, Wendy."

She giggled. "You're funny," she said.

In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.

"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day."

The next few days consisted of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings, and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.

The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.

"Hello, Mr P," she said. "Do you want to play?"

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.

"I don't know. You say."

"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.

The tinkling laughter burst forth again. "I don't know what that is."

"Then let's just walk."

Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face. "Where do you live?" I asked.

"Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages.

Strange, I thought, in winter.

"Where do you go to school?"

"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation"

She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.

Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt like demanding she keep her child at home.

"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.

"Why?" she asked.

I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child?

"Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day."

"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and -- oh, go away!"

"Did it hurt?" she inquired.

"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself.

"When she died?"

"Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself. I strode off.

A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.

"Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was."

"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies."

"Not at all --! she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.

"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't tell you."

Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.

"She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." Her voice faltered, "She left something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?"

I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with "MR. P" printed in bold childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues -- a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:

A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I uttered over and over, and we wept together. The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words -- one for each year of her life -- that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love.

A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand -- who taught me the gift of love.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It happened over 20 years ago and the incident changed his life forever. It serves as a reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and life and each other. The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.

Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday traumas can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a momentary setback or crisis.

This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all means, take a moment... even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the roses.

This comes from someone's heart, and is read by many and now I share it with you....
May God Bless everyone who receives this! There are NO coincidences!

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant. Who knows what they can teach us?

I wish for you, a sandpiper.

Just for Moms

2007-10-22T12:19:00.001-07:00

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Fall Classes For Men

2007-10-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

Fall Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, October 26th 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM , 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon , 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

People Come Into Your Life for a REASON

2007-10-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled , their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

GUARDIAN ANGEL

USS New York

2007-10-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

HERE SHE is, the USS New York, made from the World Trade Center !

USS New York

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center.

It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite , LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003, 'those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence,' recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. 'It was a spiritual moment for everybody there.'

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the 'hair on my neck stood up.' 'It had a big meaning to it for all of us,' he said. 'They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back.'

The ship's motto? 'Never Forget'

Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are

The Man Rules

2007-10-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don 't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are nev er going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it don e. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don 't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don 't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don 't mind that? It's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh. Thats all I have to say.

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

2007-10-16T15:49:00.000-07:00

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

JUST TOO CUTE.

This is the cleanest E-mail joke
I've come across in a long while!

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

Absolutely Amazing Video and Story

2007-10-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

Click here to View

Cutest Hug Ever!

2007-10-05T07:33:00.001-07:00

You are LOVED!

2007-09-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

LOVE Click and Enjoy! Love

The Butterfly and the Flower

2007-09-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

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href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_YoJuQ2kzetQ/Rv3n43BC_eI/AAAAAAAABbo/uIN1QxFhRjg/s1600-h/ATT00003.jpg">

Women's T Shirts

2007-09-26T21:17:00.001-07:00

So It's Your First Kiss...!

2007-09-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

So...It's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

Then you lean in and just go for it!!!

About Being a Mom

2007-09-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom-I had never been:
Puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to
put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I
couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so
important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
So send this to someone who you think is a pretty Mom.
I just did!

Author unknown

Who's On First--The Computer Version

2007-09-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

This is a funny little story...

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old
to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of
us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"

Examples of Love In the Animal Kingdom

2007-09-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

She Bear Philosophy

2007-09-19T09:02:00.001-07:00

She Bear Philosophy, a funny little story that will put a smile on a woman's face. The Men in our lives will enjoy it too! Double click the picture to read.

My last year on the Computer

2007-09-14T14:28:00.001-07:00

I had a few laughs as I read this e-mail. It seems that the same e-mails get passed along and recycled through all our different contacts. Enjoy a walk down the e-mail memory lane. I am sure you will recognize some of these...

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping
gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans .

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda
, Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped
in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from Argentina , after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain
activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

How to Bake the Perfect Chicken

2007-09-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who
just aren't sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not
dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

6-7 lb. Roasting chicken

1 cup melted butter

1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)

1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT)

Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.

Fill cavity with Stuffing and popcorn.

Tie legs loosely together – not too tight.

Place chicken in baking pan breast side down.

Make sure the neck end points toward the oven door.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the oven door blows open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done. And you thought I couldn't cook...

There Are No Ugly Women

2007-09-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Wow I really appreciated this photo...It makes me feel like there is hope for everyone!

This attached photo was taken at a competition in June 2006. The competition was between 9 women for best makeover.
They had every possible beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest. Look at the before and after photos. It really is Shocking!

Conclusion - there are no ugly women *, only poor women.... If you had the money....Good Grief!!! BTW, the woman 2nd from the left won the contest.

Invisible Woman

2007-09-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

*The Invisible Woman*

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to
school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street
whenthe crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?"
"Nobody," he shrugged.

Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we
crossed the street I thought,"Oh my goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something
to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would
happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I
would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little
louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been
there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was
talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a
break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are."
He just kept right on talking.

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the
way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and
ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on
the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or
cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the
corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more. Can you fix this? Can
you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What
number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30,
please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -
but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen
again.

She's going? She's going? She's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a
friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip,
and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting
there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was
hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my
out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.
My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could
actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when
Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I
brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure
why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte ,
with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one
sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work.

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of
their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would
never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of
God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny
bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are
you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied,
"Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see
the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No
act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've
baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a
great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my
own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As
one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see
finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The
writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever
be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to
sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my
son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving
, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then
she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for
the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself.
I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything
more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will
marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been
added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Marriage Jokes

2007-09-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

You have two choices in life:

You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Happiness Inspiration

2007-09-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

HAPPINESS IS A BYPRODUCT OF ACTIVITY

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement,
in the thrill of creative effort.
The human spirit needs to accomplish,
to achieve, to triumph to be happy.

Happiness does not come from doing easy work,
but from the afterglow of satisfaction
that comes after the achievement
of a difficult task that demands your best.

Your personal growth itself contains the seed of happiness.
You cannot pursue happiness by itself.
There is no happiness except in the realization
that you have accomplished something.

Happiness thrives in activity.
It's a running river, not a stagnant pond..
Copyright 2007 www.yourdailymotivation.com Reproduce freely but maintain Copyright notice.

Another Joke...!

2007-09-07T15:39:00.001-07:00

Mexican Electric Chair--Yes Another Blonde Joke!

2007-09-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Mexican Electric Chair

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning - though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.

Hospital Window

2007-09-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

Hospital Window

A great note for all to read it will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking....

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

Do not keep this letter.

Just forward it to your friends to whom you wish blessings.

How To Hug a Baby

2007-09-07T06:19:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION ALL DOGS!!!

THE FOLLOWING ARE IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS FOR EVERY DOG TO KNOW:

Instructions for properly hugging a baby .............................

1. Spy a baby.

2. Be sure that the object you spied was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers this is indeed a baby.

3. Next, you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process.

**Note: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw slide" easier.

4. The "paw slide"- Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.

5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to achieve the best photo quality.

Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm,dry, climate-controlled environment for the rest of your life !

If you don't pass this along,
a dog will come out and pee on your computer!

O O P S !

I guess you didn't send it fast enough!

Cats in a Music Store

2007-09-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

What kind of music do you think each Cat may be listening to?

Have you ever seen a pink Dolphin?

2007-09-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

Photos taken by Erik Rue of Lake Charles.
These are some really neat pictures! We have had a few phone calls reporting this pink dolphin near the Cameron Ferry.
Finally, someone got a few good pictures of the fine specimen!
Just thought you guys would like to see. Lake Charles, LA

Planting Your Garden

2007-09-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

How To Plant Your Garden

First, you Come to the garden alone,
while the dew is still on the roses....

FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING,

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:

1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:

1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:

1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:

1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:

1. Thyme fo r each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. NOT BAD,HUH?!
M y instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you!

Someone is Thinking of You

2007-09-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

Keep reading to the bottom of the page -- don't
stop at the feet (You'll see).

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night
in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the
mansion's guest room.

Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole
in the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,

'Things aren't always what they seem.'

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor,
but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels
sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer
and his wife in tears.

Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in
the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could
you have let this happen?

The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.

The second family had little but was willing to share everything,
and you let the cow die.

'Things aren't always what they seem,' the older angel replied.

'When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I
noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall..

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share
his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it.'

'Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death
came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.

Things aren't always what they seem.'

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out
the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every
out come is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some
time later...

(i believe this is very true... just hang in there till it shows)

Oooo
Some people ( )
come into our lives ) /
and quickly go... (_ /

oooO
( ) Some people
\ ( become friends
\_ ) and stay awhile....

leaving beautiful Oooo
footprints on our ( )
hearts... ) /
( _/

oooO
( ) and we are
\ ( never
\_ ) quite the same
because we have
made a good
friend!!

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!

I think this is special...live and savor every moment... This is
not a dress rehearsal!

(\ /)
( \ __ / )
( \()/ )
( / \ ) TAKE THIS LITTLE ANGEL
( / \/ \ ) AND KEEP HER CLOSE TO YOU
/ \ SHE IS YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL
( ) SENT TO WATCH OVER YOU
____

THIS IS A SPECIAL GUARDIAN ANGEL.... YOU MUST
PASS THIS ON TO 5 PEOPLE WITHIN THE HOUR OF
RECEIVING HER, AFTER YOU DO MAKE A WISH....
IF YOU HAVE PASSED HER ON, YOUR WISH WILL
BE GRANTED AND SHE WILL WATCH OVER YOU FOREVER.... IF NOT, HER TEARS
WILL FLOW AND NO WISHES WILL BE GRANTED....

Now don't delete this message, because it comes from a very special
angel.

- Right Now -
-somebody is thinking of you.
-somebody is caring about you.
-somebody misses you
-somebody wants to talk to you.
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
-somebody is thankful for the support you have provided..
-somebody wants to hold your hand.
-somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
-somebody wants you to be happy.
-somebody wants you to find him/her.
-somebody is celebrating your successes.
-somebody wants to give you a gift.
-somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
-somebody loves you.
-somebody admires your strength.
-somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
-somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.

(it all above is true.. that's amazing, and most times you NEVER
know it, which really is very sad :( )

SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM

Never take away anyone's hope. That may be all they have

The Burglar and Jesus

2007-09-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Subject: The Burglar and Jesus

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD
player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from
the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight
off, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook
his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score,
then clicked
the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect
the wires,
Clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for
the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the
room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just
trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are
you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people
would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Elastic Baby

2007-09-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

If you need a good Laugh you have to click!

Click Here

Healing from the Kitchen Cupboard

2007-09-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Some new hints!

Eliminate ear mites .. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Kills fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas .

Rainy day cure for dog odor Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose ..

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes . Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection .... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover .. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure . cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine a powerful antiseptic ..

Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief. It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

If you send this to 10 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was worth it.

Things to do in an Elevator

2007-09-04T18:10:00.000-07:00

Things to Do in an Elevator

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if he has an appointment.

9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask him if he can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing him occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

♫

God Is an Artist

2007-09-04T17:59:00.001-07:00

Can you find God's Artistry in the Following Pictures...Hint there are God's Hands, Teddy Bears, An Angel, A Heart, A Sleeping Cat, An Alligator

You are what you eat....!

2007-09-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

Absolutely the best chart I have seen in years. SHARE THIS CHART
Apples
Protects your heart
prevents constipation
Blocks diarrhea
Improves lung capacity
Cushions joints

Apricots
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
Saves your eyesight
Shields against Alzheimer's
Slows aging process

Artichokes
Aids digestion
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Guards against liver disease

Avocados
Battles diabetes
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin

Bananas
Protects your heart
Quiets a cough
Strengthens bones
Controls blood pressure
Blocks diarrhea

Beans
Prevents constipation
Helps hemorrhoids
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Stabilizes blood sugar

Beets
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Protects your heart
Aids weight loss

Blueberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Boosts memory
Prevents constipation

Broccoli
Strengthens bones
Saves eyesight
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure

Cabbage
Combats cancer
Prevents constipation
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Helps hemorrhoids<

...